Who Owns My Heart?
by roseredsdesire
Summary: After 5 happy months together, Lilly isn't sure she can love Miley anymore, something is definitely wrong. Can she work through the nightmares, her fear or will she lose Miley forever?  Will Miley let her in again...who owns her heart? *ON-HOLD*
1. Chapter 1: Holding On To Let Go

**Hii everyone, wow its been so long! So much has happened to me; my mom ended up in the hospital and our family is still reeling from the shock. Finally I've got a story...but its probably not the one anyone is going to want to read. Considering its kinda sad. Though if anyone has ever been and in love and it didn't work, out the way you hopped this story is for you! Let me know what you think. It will make sense I promise and I will do my best to end it happily. I love Miley and Lilly they are so adorable together; so thats what I untimely want. As always I am using these characters for my own enjoyment and in this case " closer" and to heal...I don't own Hannah Montana believe me if I did I've written Oliver out earlier lol...**

**Chapter One: Holding on to let go**

Outside, the silver light of the moon sailed in ever present ocean of clouds; as darkness blanketed the ground below. The moon like a candle trying not to be snuffed, fought through the clouds losing every time. The cold wind, wiped across the night making the October night, almost sinister. It blew, the curtains of Lilly and Miley's converted barn room, making a slapping noise. Waking Lilly with a start, feeling cold and scared.

Shivering she tried to pull the covers around her, but Miley had tangled herself tightly in them. It would be easy enough to just get out of the bed and go to her own. Its covers unused lay just beyond Miley's. As she considered the thought her eyes adjusting to the dark saw the picture frame. Taken back when they had just been friends. Back when Lilly had realized she was developing feelings for her best friend. Lilly felt her stomach lurch, with the emptiness as she saw how young they had been and how happy.

Watching her sleeping peaceful girlfriend, made Lilly all the more confused. There would have been a time not long ago. When she would have woken her kissing passionately needing her touch. Wanting her more then her own breathing. Now nothing, no spark filled her. There was nothing but her own despair. If she could she'd turn back her life, but her ability to keep trying was failing.

She couldn't lose her, Miley but it was all slipping away the feeling was wrong it couldn't be denied anymore. She bit her lip, seeing the ghostly light of the moon cascading in through the open window. She wanted nothing more then to snuggle up and be warm. To lay here forever with her girlfriend to love her but those feelings that had driven her crazy. That had eventually broken her and Oliver up. Those feelings that when Miley didn't return them at first broke her heart. They were drifting like the moon, through the clouds.

_This wasn't how the story was supposed to go, their story _she thought angrily.

She was supposed to love Miley forever. She'd meant everything she'd said the night all those months ago. That night, the flowers had bloomed along the trellis of Miley's old deck. Back before they'd moved. Their smell had filled the night with their heavenly aroma. She'd come straight from Oliver's after she'd broken it off. Miley had been invited to a party at Ellen's house for her and her wife.

Lilly couldn't help smiling, she'd had no idea that Miley had secretly been in love with her. The story had come out the next day, over orange juice and pancakes. They had held hands and laughed. Lilly had brushed a stray hair from Miley's face. Making her blush, Lilly remembered. She'd leaned over and kissed her, taking both their breaths away. When she'd drawn back Miley's face was wet. Lilly let the memory wash back over her. Their voices echoed back across time.

" Baby? What's wrong? Am I going too fast?"

" No Lilly, it's ok I am just so happy. You make me so happy I never want it to end"

" Never Miles, you're mine always. God Miley I love you so much."

Lilly felt the coldness against her face, knowing she was crying. She'd sooner break then hurt Miley. If she ever told her, everything was changing. She'd promised her she'd given her heart. She still wanted to be with her but something was wrong.

It had been an easy decision to be with Miley than it was like breathing. Simply real special and she'd wanted every minute to be with her. In the beginning she'd wait all day to cuddle with her. She'd bring her flowers, make her CD's and spoil her. Miley made her happy, everything had been fine. Until the nightmares, until something changed. It wasn't Miley, Lilly knew this was her fault, this was all her.

_This was all wrong_.

The tears drifted down Lilly's face, each tear broke her heart as she covered her eyes with her hands. Struggling to hold on fighting to stay strong.

Suddenly she felt her bed shift, and Lilly held her breath as she felt Miley's arms around her.

" Lilly, oh my gosh are you ok?"

Lilly couldn't find an answer, and just for the moment it was better to cry then fight. So she let Miley hold her tightly.

" Don't cry baby. Was it a nightmare? It's ok I am here I'll never let anything hurt you. You're safe my love."

Lilly felt Miley rub her back and kiss her cheek.

_Oh Miley you say you can protect me from everything? Can you protect me from myself? Can you stop me from hurting you?_

Lilly bravely smiled through her tears. Wrapping her arms back around her girlfriend.

Miley snuggled against Lilly feeling her heart racing just being here. She wanted Lilly's pain to go away. She'd heard her cry during the night, she knew something was bothering her. In the morning she'd be all happy never once letting on she was upset. Every day Miley had let it go, tonight though she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

" Miley" Lilly asked her voice quivering.

" Yes Lils?" Miley asked soothingly.

Miley watched her beautiful girlfriend blush. Even in the half light Miley knew the signs and her heart picked up faster.

" Can we..." Lilly trailed off..._I need to feel something anything..._

" Come here darling" Miley's voice covered Lilly in comfort and love.

_I want her to love me._

Miley covered Lilly's lips in her's, drawing her down kissing her hoping she'd be able to take away the pain.

She heard her moan, and Miley let her hands drift tug Lilly's shirt free. As she kissed her and felt the warm spread across their bodies.

Loving Lilly was always the most beautiful thing in the world. Every sigh every word, always made Miley feel so alive.

As Lilly body warmed to her girlfriends touch. Hearing her breathing quicken with each touch. She forced her pain and doubt down. She bobbed like a cork, pushing up above the despair for a minute. Letting Miley's feelings take her as she filled up with light.

Their bodies moved together perfectly, their skin was like fire. Lilly looked up into Miley's eyes and saw only her love, the hope and devotion.

Without Miley in her arms Lilly felt cold, when the flame had burned out. Laying quietly there in the bed beside her eyes heavy. Hoping the nightmares wouldn't come back. That she could just be happy to be strong for Miley.

" Lilly" Miley's was heavy with sleep.

" hmmm"

" Lilly I love you!" Miley sighed happily, as she felt her body drifting away into sleep. As she waited for Lilly to say I love you back.

Lilly felt tears prick her eyes " I know you do Miles."

_Tell her you love her_...Lilly's mind screamed, but the words wouldn't come. She sighed as her fretful mind gave away to sleep.

Miley lay alone in the darkness her heart suddenly cold. A question planted and doubt beginning to churn. She couldn't sleep until she heard Lilly say it. Soft breathing began though telling Miley that Lilly had fallen asleep. Now it was Miley not Lilly crying herself to sleep and there was no one to comfort her.

She was all alone.

**TBC soon...**


	2. Chapter 2:  Between the Lines

**I am going rather faster with this story, because I really just need to write it and so by doing so let go of my own pain. Thank you to Helen for correcting this story and for my friends here reading it and telling me that though its extremely sad. Its amazingly written, I hope y'all will work though this and review with thoughts. I want this story to have a happy ending but getting to the light isn't always easy. In five months my friends dad nearly died her baby cousin did die my mom nearly died, I lost my job and my light. So as unrealistic as this way sound this story is traversing my life. The Greeks believed in a wheel of that fortune that no one would forever be on the bottom...I'd like to believe I am going back around to the top. As always I don't own Hannah Montana and also remember this a sequel to Let Your Life Be Your Dream. You don't have to read the other 1st but it might make a little more sense.**

**Chapter Two: "Between the Lines"**

Lilly looked up at the clock, it's faceless expression taunting her. She just wished she could leave it all unsaid and leave it unspoken. Lock her doubts away forever, be as happy as she should be. With a perfect life a wonderful beautiful girlfriend who loved her. It just, she knew it couldn't be that way anymore. Whenever Miley was gone from her sight, she'd fall back into darkness. Even she had to admit to herself that wasn't right or normal. She couldn't always expect Miley to take care of her. She had to depend on herself.

How long could she go on lying? To herself, to Miley? It had been a week since she'd been able to say I love you. She'd found ways around it she wasn't sure at first Miley noticed. It was becoming pretty apparent now, since Miley was saying it more she had to have noticed. She was saying it in places that Lilly had to say it back like in front of their friends at school. At first Lilly remembered she'd been caught by surprise. She'd searched her mind feverishly desperately when she recalled an old episode of her favorite childhood show Charmed. "You too," she'd said Miley had looked like she bought it and her friends they'd simply ignored the pink elephant.

So here was in the living room, Miley had texted her _Going to Hannah rehearsal be back later but Lils we gotta talk _

"That's obvious" Lilly said sadly to an empty room.

"What's obvious?" Lilly caught her breath "what's obvious Lils" Miley's musical voice found its way to Lilly's cold heart.

"That we have to talk..."

"Oh" Miley said understandingly "so Lilly what's really going on?" Her voice was soothing but strong Lilly knew she really couldn't get out this time.

_Not wasting any time ah Miles?_

"Nothing"

"LILLY! I am not dumb" Miley burst into frustrated tears, why was Lilly making this so hard. They'd always been able to talk. "Don't lie to me!"

Now Lilly felt the tears and the empty pain. "Miles I oh god Miley I don't want to..."

Miley whipped at her eyes turning pale as her heart started to slow.

"Miley, baby Miley I can't hurt you..."

Miley thought she heard Lilly her voice making its way from across some far away place. Her numbness and fear twisting painfully in stomach.

"Please Miley don't hate me!" Lilly wanted nothing then to hold Miley in her arms but this was selfish. It wouldn't comfort her when she heard the rest.

Miley looked back at Lilly suddenly she didn't feel safe. All those months with Lilly she'd never more felt fear. Now she felt it dripping into every part of her body.

"I don't know, what I am supposed to do."

Miley's mind was pounding with the question that had taken root. Could she ask she was afraid for the answer.

"Lilly" Miley's voice seemed to echo even to her in the empty house.

Lilly looked so tired so different then when all this had started. She was filled with something Miley couldn't name. Their relationship had been strained for a few weeks now. They'd been fighting, well Lilly had been getting angry over little things and sometimes they hadn't even slept in the same bed.

"Miley" Lilly said softy giving up her last bit of hope in the saying of her name.

"Lilly, what's really going on..."

Lilly felt everything pushing on her and she couldn't breath it was all too much. Senior year graduation the voice in her head that told her she wasn't even good enough for Miley. The fights with her mom over the phone, as she couldn't except Lilly being gay. In fact on certain days Lilly wasn't sure she could except it herself. Doubt had crept in and on certain days she wasn't sure she was gay. _But you love Miley...do I?_

"It's all too much!" Lilly burst into tears.

"Oh God Lilly I am sorry..." Miley reached for her. "I shouldn't..."

"Don't...you're going to hate me...let me get..t..t. this..out..t..t..."

"Lilly I could never hate you..."

"You're going to...because...because...I can't do this anymore!" Lilly cried.

Miley felt her legs go out from under her. All the strength she'd built up simply wasn't there. She couldn't be strong anymore she was lost.

"Oh God MILEY!" Lilly screamed as Miley's body crumpled to the floor. She smacked her head on the coffee table.

_I will never ever forgive myself..._

"Miley Miley! Someone help" Lilly's legs would barely move but she rushed to her cell and called 911. Struggling to get her words straight she told them what had happened, before she knew it she heard the screaming siren coming up the drive.

Laying on the floor holding her Lilly cried "Oh god what have I done...Miles I wish I could love you...I want to love you..."

As Darkness took Miley her last thoughts were how the pain felt like it was ebbing away for something else beyond. She thought she heard her daddy's voice and as though she was being lifted away. Anything was worth not feeling the pain. Lilly didn't love her anymore it was over.

* * *

Miley woke up in a hospital bed cold alone and scared. She'd thought it was a nightmare that she'd just dreamed it all, _wait what was a nightmare? _

No there was her daddy his head on his hands asleep on the end of her bed. Jackson was in another chair by the door. Lilly wasn't there.

"Mhhmm" Miley moaned "ehhhemm" tears snaked down her cheeks everything hurt.

"Daddy she's awake" Jackson said too loudly.

"Bud you there? You had us all worried you've been out for twelve hours." His face was stained with tears and even Jackson looked as though he'd been crying.

Miley tried to lift her arm but it felt too tired and weak.

"Don't try and move too fast sweetheart" Robby said sadly. "You've got a bad concussion and a few stitches..."

"Good thing Lilly called 911" Jackson finished.

"Where is Lilly?" Miley heard her voice quiver.

Robby and Jackson looked at each other saying unsaid words with their eyes.

"DADDY!" Miley heard her voice getting louder "where is LILLY!" She knew she was panicking she had to do something get up find her.

"She...she left...she got a call..."

Miley felt confusion and clarity battling she couldn't find the missing piece. Why would her girlfriend leave?

"A call?" Miley looked from Jackson to dad.

"Lilly's mom was...in...a... car accident, bud" Robby said as slowly as he could. His own voice shaking _when it rains it pours. _"Apparently she has passed out at the wheel..."

Miley felt heart breaking her poor Lilly.

"So she took the first flight to Atlanta..." Jackson said his voice sounding monition even to himself.

"When is she coming back..." Miley asked.

"I don't know honey" Robby said sadly. How could he tell his daughter he'd heard what Lilly had said he was terribly angry and confused.

As Miley drifted back into her fitful dreams she tried to remember what had caused her to fall and hit her head. It was there just beyond her reach something to do with Lilly. God she missed her and wanted her there. She was filled with sadness over Lilly's mom she wasn't supposed to be in this bed she should be with her.

* * *

"Do you think she remembers?" Jackson asked his dad.

"If she doesn't know she's bound to soon."

The two Stewart man stood in the hall outside Miley's hospital room after 48 hours the doctors had concluded they could take her home.

"Jackson if I could spare her the pain again I would."

"I know you would daddy"

"It was horrible, Lilly crying Miley on the floor blood in her hair. I never want to see anything like that again."

"Why do you think Lilly doesn't love Miley anymore?"

Robby stopped for a second to think and his sad eyes stared through the door to his sleeping baby girl.

"Jackson you can't just love someone one minute and not the next. I think this is far more complicated then we know. Miley told me before that Lilly has been having nightmares that she has been distant. They've been fighting too I heard them."

"Every couple nights Sienna and I fight"

"True, but I'd guarantee there is more going than meets the eye. I am worried for both of them. They're so young and Miley loves Lilly so completely."

Jackson frowned looking through the door to his sister. She looked broken, she didn't speak much but he suspected she was remembering more and more.

"Hannah has a concert in two weeks" Jackson said breaking the silence.

Robby Ray nodded he hadn't forgotten "The doctors say she's going to be fine. I'll talk to her about it later."

* * *

Lilly sat on the couch with her mom. The apartment was small but pretty and she saw the pictures of her childhood as through the eyes of another. It had been two weeks and her mom had been released from the hospital the accident itself had turned out not to be the actual problem. The doctors had told her she had gone and passed out because of something that looked as simple as low blood sugar. Of course more tested would be run but Heather felt pretty silly for causing everyone so much fear. Just because she hadn't eaten anything.

"It's good to be home" Heather said wistfully

Lilly didn't answer, and Heather noticed her daughter hardly talked anymore.

"Sweetheart?"

"Ummhhh"

"Everything is ok now you know. "

"I am not leaving you!" Lilly said suddenly.

"I know honey but you don't have to stay. I can manage on my own a broken leg never slowed down anyone."

She forced a smile she'd been lucky that was the only thing broken she knew that and was grateful. Though she'd gotten scratched up. She hadn't been going so fast, they weren't kidding when they said a seatbelt could save your life.

"No mom you don't get it!" Lilly said angrily. "I am not leaving I am not going back I am staying here. I am moving here."

**TBC soon **


End file.
